The Trap of Being OK With Just Being OK

What makes you feel deeply good?

Wait, before I say anything else: Did you answer? Did you get stuck thinking of something?

Or did this question make you feel uncomfortable… like there was resistance within you to even consider it?

I began to ask this question a few months ago. First, I asked myself. Then I began to ask it during my keynotes, mentorship sessions, and conversations with potential clients and awesome humans in my community.

And here’s what shocked me:

Most people, particularly women, either had no idea how to answer or felt extremely uncomfortable even thinking about it.

After a recent keynote, a woman came up to me and said:

“When you first asked the question, I was like oh, that’s easy! I love getting massages and manicures, those are my treats for myself!”

“But then, I realized that you were asking something more, something deeper. And that my massages and manicures, while wonderful, were little drops of self-care I allowed myself. They didn’t make me feel deeply good.”

She put her hand over her heart as she said this. And then she took my hand in hers, looked me in the eyes, and said: “Thank you for this question. I am going to find the courage to answer it and I already sense that it will change something deep in me and my life.”

Drops of self-care.

Does this resonate?

Are you allowing yourself a bit of self-care here and there just so you can sustain yourself?

Have you gotten so used to feeling just OK that you’re not even sure what it would be like to feel deeply good in your whole being… your soul?

I realize I’m asking a lot of questions in this email.

But these are the questions you must ask yourself if you want to live a life you love, a life that deeply satisfies you.

And if they make you uncomfortable, if you feel resistance, that’s a sign that you really need to ask them of yourself.

I hosted an informal virtual salon this weekend, where we talked about hopefulness and creating goals that truly excite us.

I asked everyone to answer the question of what makes them feel deeply good. And one of the awesome women who was there typed in chat:

“Did anyone else feel uncomfortable when Nataly asked this question?”

So many heads were nodding.

Why does that question make us uncomfortable?

Seriously, think about it, it seems like such a GREAT question. How energizing and inspiring it is to think about what makes you feel deeply good, right?

I believe it’s uncomfortable because we’ve been conditioned to think that it’s selfish to focus on feeling good.

We’re taught to be responsible, caring, and helpful to others. That’s virtuous. And by the way, it feels deeply good to care for and help others! We can’t be fulfilled if we don’t feel useful or like what we do has a positive impact.

But that’s just one dimension of what nourishes us.

And too often, we ignore the others -- like doing things that make us feel vibrant, that spark our creativity, that energize our enthusiasm for living, that inspire us to grow and expand our many unique dimensions (including in our work or business.)

We become caught in the Trap of Being OK With Just Being OK.

We lower the standard on our aliveness. And we tell ourselves the story that it's OK to do it because we're focused on being responsible partners, parents, caregivers, leaders, colleagues...

But here's the kicker: Everything is connected. When you deny yourself true flourishing and vibrancy of aliveness, you can't be the kind of awesome parent, partner, caregiver, or leader you want to be. You can't give what you don't have.

Is this feeling too close to home?

If it is and if you are ready to bust out of the Trap of Being OK With Just Being OK and instead, to build a satisfying life that feels deeply good, I invite you to join my Unleashing Aliveness small-group mentorship program.

It’s my signature 12-week small group mentorship program for highly capable, accomplished women who are ready to unravel the limiting beliefs and stories that keep them stuck so they can tap into their full potential to live with more aliveness, confidence, and flourishing.

If you feel called to do this work, schedule a 30-min discovery with me.

There’s one more reason I want to call out for why we often stay in the Trap of Being OK With Just Being OK:

Fear.

It’s scary to dream bigger and want more because there’s no certainty that we’ll get what we want.

It’s “safer” to keep our wants small, to settle for just feeling OK, for a job we kinda sorta like, for a business that kinda sorta satisfies us, for not writing that book or picking up a paint brush…

… because then we don’t risk going for something better and failing.

It’s scary to want more.

It’s scary to raise the standard on how you want to feel, on how you want your work or business to feel, on how you want your relationships to feel because then you’re vulnerable.

You’ve reached for something and you’re unsure if you can have it.

I get that. I really do.

But here’s the last question I want to ask you (seriously, I think I’ve asked more questions in this email than any other email I’ve written!):

Imagine that it’s 5 years from now and you look back to this moment.

Will you wish that you found the courage to boldly want more and craft a life that feels deeply good?

Or will you wish that you stayed in the Trap of Being OK With Just Being OK?

It’s a fake question because I know your answer. I just really want you to hear your own answer, deep in your heart.

And then, once you hear it, to dare yourself to bust through the Trap of Being OK With Just Being OK.

Here’s how you can begin:

→ Take out a piece of paper and write “I want” at the top.

And then write down as many things that come to mind as long as they are truthful and authentic -- aka not things you think you’re supposed to want.

Think about every area of your life: your family, work, business, craft, self-development, community… And don’t edit your wants! Just write what feels true.

This is your first giant step out of Trap of Being OK With Just Being OK. The next step is to take a specific action towards making one of those wants a reality.

Dare yourself to take it. Your future vibrant, flourishing self needs you to do it!